Machete

With similarly tuned retro images, it is difficult to find a reasonable line between piety, parody and seriousness, if I paraphrase the words of one of the protagonists: Machete didn't cross the line, the line crossed Machete. This film is the most entertaining and dullest spectacle I can imagine in the genre. If I’d had it on VHS in the 1980s, I’d undoubtedly have long hair, a black mustache and a sharpened machete. And a girl with one eye. [85%] (10/09/2010)

So, that little grindhouse flick that was shadowed by Stallone’s The Expendables turned out to be something completely outrageous that knows no limits. A perfect dose of trash and self-awareness. Trejo! Seagal! Alba! De Niro! Fahey! Lohan! Rodriguez! Rodriguez! While The Expendables fool around… (27/09/2010)

–Cuban? –Mexican. It’s such a shame that Rodriguez didn’t have the balls to shoot the whole of his Mexploitation flick as crudely as he filmed the über-muthafucka prologue... I found that regrettable until the scene with entrails. The film’s superficial refinement only draws attention away from the self-confident (and self-conscious, as evidenced by the involvement of the uncensored internet) contempt for common sense, good taste and every conceivable kind of political correctness. Machete is an exploitation movie for multiplexes, but that doesn’t mean that it would lack machetes, machine guns, boobs, gore, sexy nurses, a murderous nun, a one-eyed avenger, Steven Seagal, Tom Savini and a  pissed-off Mexican with a weed whacker. You can either accept this film in all its simplicity and bombast and enjoy the ruthless fun, or look for a more sophisticated view of the world. This time, I’m giving a strong four-start rating and posing a simple question: why always complicate things? 85% (18/11/2013)

A crazy barrage of cringe-worthy situations and such clichéd and bad jokes that, in the end, it actually worked and slowly became a cult classic, at least for me. It’s abundantly clear who Robert Rodriguez's spiritual father is, as Tarantino’s unmistakable style is immediately recognizable. The film is teeming with one famous name after another, so everyone gets their moment. Danny Trejo doesn’t say much; instead, his beloved machete speaks for him. Such a plethora of truly original ideas is rarely seen, whether it’s using intestines instead of ropes or mounting a rotating machine gun on a souped-up motorcycle. Like, seriously, this isn’t a normal, everyday thing. The story can be considered absolutely ridiculous, but that’s exactly the point. It’s hard to say what makes this film stand out so much. The very concept of a machete-wielding killer sounds outlandish, but the execution turned it into a brilliant piece. Add to that the beautiful Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez, who balance out the brutal male violence, and you’ve got a perfectly balanced hit. I give it 84%, and I might add more over time. Now I’m gearing up to watch the second installment. (17/08/2018)

One question: Why isn't Tarantino in Machete? Now to the film. If I have to compare it to Planet Terror, Rodriguez's first grindhouse is better. Unfortunately, there is nothing in Machete that I didn't expect. Chopped off hands, gallons of blood, pretty to beautiful women and girls, their exposed breasts, the word "fuck" used so many times you can't even count them, jumping out of a window by your intestines... It's pleasantly wacky and crazy. But it's not original anymore, and it lacks juicy dialogue. Danny Trejo, of course, shoots, stabs, cuts with a machete and a wheedwhacker, Robert De Niro and Steven Seagal perform the same function as Bruce Willis in Planet Terror... But it's boring and not funny. (22/10/2010)